Problema de adolescenta

[Selene_Bunny]

Si am mai citit, in repetate randuri, si pe DC, si in alte parti, cat de important este ca parintele sa nu isi desconsidere copilul, sa nu ii submineze increderea in el, ironizandu-l, profitand de orice motiv, cat de mic, pentru a-i da in cap (figurat vorbind), a-l face sa se simta insignifiant, fara valoare.

 

Daca suntem pro aceasta atitudine - sa crestem copii increzatori in fortele lor, stapani pe ei, copii care sa isi cunoasca intr-adevar punctele forte si pe cele slabe - de ce, cand apare un copil care povesteste unele lucruri care contravin tocmai pro-ului de mai sus - schimbam oarecum foaia?

[ab5174]

Experienta .... si munca  cu mii de oameni si psihologii diferite. E mai greu de explicat dar nu insist sa am dreptate.

Am zis ca nu mai scriu la subiectul asta, dar nu ma pot abtine.

Asta a fost un alt mesaj de la care am luat 'foc'.

Deci cineva care are experienta nu are voie sa incalce regulile de baza.

Nu am sarit la gitul parintiilor care au dat sfaturi din experienta lor de parinte,ci la cel a caror se considera specialisti (scuzMarius).

Astea sint procedurile elementare care noi le aplicam in cazul in care banuim ceva:

 

"Responding to suspicion or disclosure of child abuse

Child abuse, in any form, by anyone, is unacceptable. It is not unusual for a child to deny that something is wrong because it is a natural way of coping with something that can be overwhelming.

If you suspect a child has been, or is being, abused:

·    remain alert to any warning signs or indicators that a child is experiencing or is at risk of abuse

·    observe the child and make written notes as soon as you begin to have concerns — pay attention to changes in their behaviour, ideas, feelings and the words they use

·    have gentle, non-judgemental discussions with the child — expressing your concern that a child looks sad or unwell can result in disclosures

·    do not pressure a child to respond and do not ask questions that put words into a child’s mouth

·    assure the child that they can come and talk to you when they need to, and listen to them when they do

·    remember that child abuse does not go away and usually becomes more serious over time

·    seek expert advice by contacting the department

·    remember that not acting on a suspicion or disclosure may result in further harm to the child.

If a child tells you they are being abused:

·    remain calm

·    do not express shock, panic or disbelief — the child is counting on you to provide calm reassurance that they are being listened to and heard

·    find a private place to talk

·    thank the child for coming to talk to you about it and recognise their bravery for talking about something that may be difficult or embarrassing

·    be supportive, tell them that you believe what they are saying and thank them for helping you to understand

·    be a listener not an investigator — encourage children to talk in their own words and ask just enough questions to act protectively, for example, “can you tell me more about that?”

·    do not conduct any form of interview with the child

·    stress that what has happened is not their fault, for example, “you are not in trouble” and “if I look or sound upset it is because I want you to feel safe”

·    be aware of your tone of voice and help the child make sense of what you are feeling, for example, “I am feeling concerned for you,” or “what we can do right now is talk about ways to help you feel safe”

·    act proactively, for example, “I know some people do wrong things and it is up to grown-ups to protect children ,” or “every child has a right to be safe, there are laws to help protect children”

·    reassure the child that they have done the right thing by telling you, and that they are not in trouble

·    do not make promises you cannot keep, such as promising you will not tell anyone — you need to tell someone in order to get help for the child

·    as a concerned community member you can contact the Department of Communities, Child Safety and Disability Services and ask how best to respond to the situation

·    do not contact the person responsible for the abuse, regardless of who that person is — leave this to the department or the police

·    keep information confidential — only those who absolutely need to know should be told at this point.

If a parent tells you that a child has been abused, but the person responsible no longer has contact with the child, you should still contact the Department of Communities, Child Safety and Disability Services to help protect other children. You could also provide information to the parent about where they can get help and advice."

[ab5174]

 

 

Si imi cer scuze ca mai scriu un off topic aici la tine, pe urma nu mai intervin [flo2] :

 

Draga Ab, nu am realizat amploarea acelor cuvinte, nici cit te-au ranit de mult poate, te rog din suflet sa ma ierti pt toate vorbele, gindurile si judecatile cu privire la viata ta privata, am fost cu adevarat deplasata,nu aveam dreptul,  imi pare sincer rau! [flo2]

[flo2]

Draga Katya, stai linistita nu m-am suparat de asta.

Ce fel de mama vitrega sint eu asta e alta poveste.

 

Mai 'rau' e ca sint si soacra vitrega [:-)))] [:-)))]  [:-)))]  

[marius]

Am zis ca nu mai scriu la subiectul asta, dar nu ma pot abtine.

Asta a fost un alt mesaj de la care am luat 'foc'.

Keep calm 

[Katya]

Letitia, Ab, multumesc. [flo2]

 

Acuma sa va spun si eu ca am un istoric de genul Adolescentei, de aceea sint si eu asa reactiva cind e vorba de mame vitrege. Cu mina pe inima va spun ca le inteleg si pe ele, si lor li s-a dat aceasta incercare-n viata, dar de cind sint la rindu-mi mama, pun copilul pe primul plan si cind vad afirmatii de genul lasa ca astea-s fumuri de adolescent sau te comporti ca un adolescent, atunci cind n-ai de fapt idee cum e sa fii in pielea acestui gen de adolescent...

 

Nu mai intru, ca ma si rascoleste si risc sa dau si sfaturi prea emotionale, inca o data scuze daca am ranit pe cineva. [flo2]

[BellaDonna]

ab

Am zis ca nu mai scriu la subiectul asta, dar nu ma pot abtine.

Asta a fost un alt mesaj de la care am luat 'foc'.

Deci cineva care are experienta nu are voie sa incalce regulile de baza.

Nu am sarit la gitul parintiilor care au dat sfaturi din experienta lor de parinte,ci la cel a caror se considera specialisti (scuzMarius).

Astea sint procedurile elementare care noi le aplicam in cazul in care banuim ceva:

 

"Responding to suspicion or disclosure of child abuse

Child abuse, in any form, by anyone, is unacceptable. It is not unusual for a child to deny that something is wrong because it is a natural way of coping with something that can be overwhelming.

If you suspect a child has been, or is being, abused:

·    remain alert to any warning signs or indicators that a child is experiencing or is at risk of abuse

·    observe the child and make written notes as soon as you begin to have concerns — pay attention to changes in their behaviour, ideas, feelings and the words they use

·    have gentle, non-judgemental discussions with the child — expressing your concern that a child looks sad or unwell can result in disclosures

·    do not pressure a child to respond and do not ask questions that put words into a child’s mouth

·    assure the child that they can come and talk to you when they need to, and listen to them when they do

·    remember that child abuse does not go away and usually becomes more serious over time

·    seek expert advice by contacting the department

·    remember that not acting on a suspicion or disclosure may result in further harm to the child.

If a child tells you they are being abused:

·    remain calm

·    do not express shock, panic or disbelief — the child is counting on you to provide calm reassurance that they are being listened to and heard

·    find a private place to talk

·    thank the child for coming to talk to you about it and recognise their bravery for talking about something that may be difficult or embarrassing

·    be supportive, tell them that you believe what they are saying and thank them for helping you to understand

·    be a listener not an investigator — encourage children to talk in their own words and ask just enough questions to act protectively, for example, “can you tell me more about that?”

·    do not conduct any form of interview with the child

·    stress that what has happened is not their fault, for example, “you are not in trouble” and “if I look or sound upset it is because I want you to feel safe”

·    be aware of your tone of voice and help the child make sense of what you are feeling, for example, “I am feeling concerned for you,” or “what we can do right now is talk about ways to help you feel safe”

·    act proactively, for example, “I know some people do wrong things and it is up to grown-ups to protect children ,” or “every child has a right to be safe, there are laws to help protect children”

·    reassure the child that they have done the right thing by telling you, and that they are not in trouble

·    do not make promises you cannot keep, such as promising you will not tell anyone — you need to tell someone in order to get help for the child

·    as a concerned community member you can contact the Department of Communities, Child Safety and Disability Services and ask how best to respond to the situation

·    do not contact the person responsible for the abuse, regardless of who that person is — leave this to the department or the police

·    keep information confidential — only those who absolutely need to know should be told at this point.

If a parent tells you that a child has been abused, but the person responsible no longer has contact with the child, you should still contact the Department of Communities, Child Safety and Disability Services to help protect other children. You could also provide information to the parent about where they can get help and advice."

tot ce ai scris tu aici e in engleza, sa inteleg ca e copy/paste ???????

 

sant cateva sfaturi pertinente si profesioniste, dar cred ca aici pe forum nu sau incalcat prea mult, ar fi fost frumos sa fie cu cuvintele tale asa pare impersonal , si cred ca e scris asa pt noi /parintii  

[andacos]

ab

tot ce ai scris tu aici e in engleza, sa inteleg ca e copy/paste ???????

 

sant cateva sfaturi pertinente si profesioniste, dar cred ca aici pe forum nu sau incalcat prea mult, ar fi fost frumos sa fie cu cuvintele tale asa pare impersonal , si cred ca e scris asa pt noi /parintii  

Dar ce importanta ca e cu copy-paste, citate din cartile de psihologie date de alti participanti la subiect...nu-s la fel,pe acelasi principiu?

[AdiS]

Adolescenta, nu uita te rog de respectarea codului familiei: daca ti-au zis in jur de 8 sa fii acasa, la 8 trebuia sa fii deja pe drum. Mama prietenei nu avea de ce sa-i faca  observatie tatalui, putea cel mult sa-i ceara o favoare sa te mai lase un pic, sper ca intelegi.

 

Asta este ceea ce povesteste copilul nu este necesar ca felul in care a descris sau, mai degraba, simtit sa fie ceea ce s-a discutat in realitate.

 

Mie mi se pare ca topicul trebuie inchis si eventual deschis unul separat pentru discutiile intre parinti. Primele pagini au fost chiar orientate catre copil dar apoi se transforma intr-un topic de tip "In unul sau in doi ....". La unele topicuri de acest fel, la un moment dat cineva spune sa se ia aminte ce fel de sfaturi se dau. Replica este ca: este un topic la care doar ne dam cu parerea, dam sfaturi si ca pana la urma decizia o ia cel care se plange / povesteste. Lucru adevarat cand e vorba de un adult. Cand e vorba de un minor chestiunea se complica si mi se pare ca responsabilitatea trebuie asumata pana la capat inclusiv daca lucrurile ar putea lua o turnura nefavorabila datorita sfaturilor de aici. Daca parintii ar afla ca o parte din actiunile copilului lor sunt datorite sfaturilor primite aici, cred ca ar fi indreptatiti sa ceara socoteala. Asta si pentru ca prin simple investigatii virtualul poate ajunge usor in real.

[AdiS]

Am zis ca nu mai scriu la subiectul asta, ...

 be a listener not an investigator — encourage children to talk in their own words and ask just enough questions to act protectively, for example, “can you tell me more about that?”

....

 

 

E interesant de vazut fix-exact normele care ar trebui respectate in cazuri de acest fel. Recunosc ca apreciez mai mult acest copy-paste. Asta ca sa-mi permit a interpreta un text la prima mana caci intr-un text la mana doua - treia ... ideile pot apare, dispare sau distorsiona.

 

  be a listener not an investigator — encourage children to talk in their own words and ask just enough questions to act protectively, for example, “can you tell me more about that?”

 -- Uite aku' inteleg de ce mama mea vitrega , (eu nu o consider asa), nu comenta nimik din ce ii povesteam. 

[BellaDonna]

 

 

 

  be a listener not an investigator — encourage children to talk in their own words and ask just enough questions to act protectively, for example, “can you tell me more about that?”

 

. 

La "can you tell me more about that?" nu mai este deja doar un ascultator trece la investigat , deci se bate cap in cap